Films We Love That Make Us Really Angry

Here at Movies, Music and Soap, we're suckers for a good old fashioned romantic comedy, preferably of the variety where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fall in love but don't actually meet until the end of the film. You all know what we're on about. But sometimes you watch certain romantic comedies and they just make you really angry. On the surface, it's all charming, sweetness and 'lovey dovey', but if you watch it with more cynicism, you realise how horrible and offensive some of these films really are.

You've Got Mail is the first culprit. We absolutely love this film, even though it seems light-years out of date (it was made in 1998), and should probably be remade as 'You've Got A Wall Post'. Ignoring the obvious advances in the Internet since the film was released, it's pretty cute. A boy and a girl hate each other, but they're having an anonymous 'relationship' online without knowing it. By the end of the film, they meet and realise that is doesn't matter that they hate each other, because they actually love each other. It's a classic romantic-comedy storyline, we've seen it time and time before and we love it.

Or do we? The long and the short of You've Got Mail is that Tom Hanks' character is the biggest wanker on the planet. There are so many reasons why any self-respecting Meg Ryan character should run a mile from Joe Fox, but she just doesn't seem to be able to see them. Firstly, he arranges to meet her, then hangs around outside the restaurant, getting his friend to check if she's hot. If eying her up like a piece of meat isn't enough, he then decides to stand her up, but go in as if he isn't the guy from the internet and torment her. Then his big discount book store puts her little book shop out of business in what is probably one of the saddest movie moment ever. Then he spends the next few weeks going round her house and starting to befriend her. This is where Meg Ryan is a total idiot and doesn't just slam the door in his face as most people would, but she starts going shopping with him. He's known for months that she's the girl he's chatting to online, but continues to act innocent. He then basically butters her up, making her wish that the man she was talking to online was him, and then right at the end of the film, he reveals it's actually him.

If their relationship lasted longer than the kiss in the ending scene, we'd be genuinely quite surprised. Once the cameras pan up into the sky, she should be asking him a lot of questions. Not only is it creepy, but it's horribly deceitful, plus she hates him with a passion. He's a dick. We should hate him. But of course, if watching the film in the right mood, it's adorable.

Groundhog Day is the next culprit. Bill Murray is a grade a wanker in this film and not for the reasons you'd expect. Yes, his character is supposed to be a bit of a dickhead, and the moral of the story is that he learns to be a nicer guy, but that doesn't excuse some of his behaviour. He basically sets up his whole life to helping him get the girl. Basically, she's not attracted to him at all, and they're clearly not right for each other. However, he decides to butter her up in a manner not dissimilar to Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail.

Bill Murray's character basically makes a list of all the things Andie MacDowell does and doesn't like and then pretends to be exactly the same. I'm sure we've all done that to an extent... pretended to like a film or a song to impress someone, but seriously, he does this in an almost sociopathic way. But it's ok, because it's just some sort of fucked up dream world, so he can just get the girl and tomorrow she won't even remember, because tomorrow is just today, but erased. So making lists of what she drinks, toasts to and what her favourite ice cream flavour is, is totally excusable, right?  

No it isn't! The films ends with Bill Murray getting the girl and keeping her. How long is that relationship going to last?! "Oh, by the way, I don't actually like any of the same thing as you do, I was just doing it because I fancied you, but there isn't any substantial attraction here. I didn't actually think we'd wake up tomorrow and it'd be tomorrow. So, I guess we'll just leave it at that then." How stupid are the women in these films?! Whatever went on in Groundhog Day, Bill Murray certainly didn't fall in love, he just wanted to get laid.

Titanic: Where to begin?! Firstly, Kate Winslet needs to get over herself. She's living the life of royalty and she wants to kill herself over it!? What did Leo ever see in her?!

Seriously though, Rose is quite clearly a bitch, and you can blame James Cameron's poor camerawork for this. When they're floating on the wooden door-thing after the Titanic has gone down, you think there's not enough room for Jack on it, so he does the manly thing and floats in the freezing water while Rose lies on top of it. Fair enough, in 1912, that's probably what most men would have done, you don't really think twice about Jack's gesture. Until James Cameron does a nice shot from above and you see just how much room there is on the door. Why doesn't Rose say something? This is the first man she's ever loved and she's just letting him freeze to death because she's too god damn lazy to tell him there's probably room next to her if they do a bit of shifting round. What a bitch.

Also as if that wasn't enough insult. The message in the film is all about how much they love each other, no matter what, and how they'll "never let go" of their love. So Jack dies, and Rose goes on to marry, have lots of children, grandchildren and we're led to assume, great-grandchildren, and she never once mentions Jack to anyone until she sees the drawing of her on television and gets flown out to tell her story. A great tribute to your love for Jack, there, Rose. Cold-hearted bitch.

Every Jane Austen Adaptation Ever: OK this is purely for comic effect, but seriously, we need more strong female characters, rather than recycling the same pathetic morons from times gone by. In (the film version of) Sense and Sensibility, Marianne Dashwood is the most pathetic female character in the history of female characters. Bell Swan her more about her. First off, she falls over and sprains her ankle but luckily she's saved and carried home by the seemingly dashing John Willoughby. She makes him carry her home for a sprained ankle?! What?! Is she even serious!? I've known people break their ankle and not even go to the doctor about it for days. Man the fuck up Marianne!

Just when you think she's pretty robust and healthy again, Willoughby basically dumps her and she gets ill from this. Then she goes out walking to gaze upon Willoughby's house, but it's raining, so naturally, she falls ill to the point where she's about to die. We've all definitely been out in the rain before without a raincoat on and didn't nearly die because of it! People in these times were supposed to be more hardy, but she's just a pathetic human being.

Then there's (the BBC adaptation of) Persuasion. Louisa it a total idiot and jumps off the Cobb and Lyme Regis in the hope that the man she fancies will catch her. He doesn't and she gets sick. Ok she does actually get a head injury or something, so that's pretty serious. But who jumps off anything just expecting someone's going to catch you? It's ridiculous.

Anyway, there we go, some films that we absolutely love, but can't stand when watching them with a critical eye. There are others... don't even get us started on all the problems with Stuart Little, for example... actually, that might be one for the ideas board.

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