The Problem With Stuart Little

We have always had a long-standing hate for the film Stuart Little. You may know exactly what we're talking about, or maybe you just thought it was a whole heap of family friendly film fun about a mouse who befriends some people. The film actually doesn't make any sense though:

1. Firstly, it's a talking mouse. OK so that's not a problem - it's a film and animals are always talking in films, so just suspend your disbelief for one second you cynical idiot. Yup, we did. But then we realised that the mouse can talk to the humans, and the cat. The cat can talk, but only to other cats or the mouse. How does this make any sense?! In the Wild Thornberries, it's just one girl who can talk to all animals. In Homeward Bound, the dogs and cats can talk to each other but not to humans. You get the picture. There needs to be consistency, and there is none in Stuart Little.
2. The mouse is in a children's home. Again, OK, this isn't a problem in itself, but the mouse is the only one in the children's home. All the other children are actual children. We refuse to believe that the mouse community of New York is caring for all but one of its children, or that there aren't more orphans. Being a mouse is a risky business, after all, as proven by the film. How did he end up in the normal children's home rather than a mouse children's home? How were the Littles even allowed to adopt him? Surely there's laws in place to prevent people adopting outside of their species unless it's classified as a pet?!
3. The little boy managed to make the car drivable for a mouse. It's a remote controlled car. No. Just no. This is all wrong, surely it's not possible to convert a remote controlled mini car into a car that is drivable for a mouse, even a mouse with an abnormally high IQ level.
4. Stuart is supposed to be the younger brother, yet he's voiced by Michal J. Fox who is most definitely a grown man, has a man's voice and has been a man for many years now. The little boy is played by Jonathan Lipnicki, who might be some sort of mental man-child now, but at the time, he was most definitely a little boy. Whenever we watch the film, this always confuses us!
5. The Little family live in a traditional-style house next to two skyscrapers. THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. Stop with your crazy architecture and just do it normally.

So there you have it. Don't ever view Stuart Little with even an ounce of cynicism, or you'll turn out like us, bitter and twisted and unable to enjoy a family comedy about a family who adopts a mouse (a mouse!? For God's sake, he's not a child, he's a mouse, you can't just adopt him!!). These are just a few of the problems with Stuart Little. Don't even get us started on Hugh Laurie...

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